I read a research paper recently that aimed to look at the relationship between happiness & resilience.
It set out to test the theory that the happier you are, the more resilient you are & the more resilient you are, the happier you are.
Made sense to me, sounds absolutely common sense. But I was a bit surprised to find out the results & I think they will be a great help to you,
We’ve probably all done it. Set of dominos, lined them up and pushed the first one, watching them all topple over. Slightly mesmerising, always impressive. Especially when you get creative, loops, bridges, twin tracks.
Oooo, get me!
Anyway, you’ve probably also heard of the domino effect too; a cumulative effect produced when one event initiates a succession of similar events.
So, here’s a thought. Instead of using dominoes, let’s use behaviours and people.
The film director Richard Curtis once said, “If you make a film about a man kidnapping a women & chaining her to a radiator for 5 years – something that’s happened probably once in history – it’s called searingly realistic analysis of society. If I make a film like Love Actually, which is about people falling in love & there about a million people falling in love in Britain today, it’s called sentimental presentation of an unrealistic world.”
Global society at the moment is pretty restricted.
My Grandad would always say that a bacon sandwich without brown sauce isn’t a bacon sandwich. “Brown sauce boy,” he would say, “is essential.”
I love that. The thought that something can make another even better. That it’s essential to bringing out the very best.
Well for me, Trust, is one of those essential ingredients.
Think of relationships, jobs, decisions, ideas. Now imagine them without Trust.
Trust is an essential ingredient to most things,
Have you noticed recently, that when you ask how someone is, you tend to get the same response. No matter who you ask.
It’s a kind of, slight shoulder shrug, nose scrunching, eyebrow raising thing. Every day’s the same, all rolling into one, doing exactly the same as I was yesterday and the day before and the day before type of response.
It’s all a bit Groundhog Day. (For those less than 25 years old,
Imagine working in a place where you feel recognised & valued, you feel part of something & you feel you can be yourself, no pretending, no facade, just be you. What would it be like working in a place like that?
As a leader you can enable this to happen.
So how can you? Try these;
1. Show Appreciation – find out what it is that makes those around you feel appreciated.
We all know that relationships are key. We feel connected & appreciated. We can be open, vulnerable, not have to pretend.
But it’s hard at the moment. Lot’s are remote, interactions are virtual. In a recent survey, 71% of managers are finding it hard to build relationships.
So what can we do? Try Showing Care.
Look at a relationship you have. Score 1-10.
1 there is no relationship,
People don’t half get on your nerves don’t they! They wind you up, they stress you out, they don’t listen, do whatever they want.
Well, that’s what we tell ourselves. The more we tell ourselves, the more we notice it. There’s a name for it. Psychologists call it ‘Conformation Bias’.
So, if we notice these things & they get on our nerves, which means we are stressed & tetchy, how useful is that?
Things just don’t seem to be improving, it’s tough for so many reasons for so many people. We are tapping into our inner resources so much & we’re all aware of the word resilience even more so than before. So what is resilience?
Well there’s so many different definitions & contexts, so for this let’s go with;
“leaning into yourself or others during times of difficulty so that you can become stronger”
How many times have you been asked to show someone how to do something? They need to do it & you are the one that knows it best. It’s a great compliment isn’t it? Recognised for your knowledge & ability. Makes you feel valued.
You start to explain, but it doesn’t seem to land with them. They find it hard to do it. Maybe it’s your explanation? Maybe it’s them? One things for sure,
I’m sure that whoever is reading this believes that you’re always learning, that you can always improve and develop. Well did you know there’s a theory about that?
It’s called a Growth Mindset and was coined by Carol Dweck.
At this moment there’s not much positive news. We’re all feeling constrained, we’ve got zoom fatigue, we have to plan those things that used to be spontaneous like visiting friends and family.
» Read more about: Self Leadership – Adopt a Growth Mindset »
“It’s not the load that breaks you down, it’s the way that you carry it.” CS Lewis
We all face challenges. Every day. Some big, some small, but challenges none the less. But what is a challenge?
Challenge can have a negative perception for some. It means burden, adversity, difficulty. Those perceptions may be true, may be false, but they are that person’s reality & that reality is negative.
Your perception,
» Read more about: Self Leadership – focus on your strengths »
We often think that adversity is a one-off event, so severe it takes every ounce of our focus. It can certainly be that, but it’s one version. It actually comes in many forms.
It impacts some more negatively than others. Same event, different perspectives. Some struggle, some flow through.
It seems risky to some, paralysing them, but for others, hardly makes them pause.
It has no plan or schedule.
» Read more about: Leadership Self Efficacy; dealing with adversity »
Success directly impacts the way we feel about ourselves. As leaders we are often expected to bring in huge, strategic, long term goals which take time and success can be a while off, impacting the view you have of yourself. So, try these;
Look out for quick wins.
Do things that you like to do.
Set small, achievable goals.
Do one thing at a time to completion.
» Read more about: Leadership Self Efficacy; build success and resilience »
Imagine this.
You’re sat at your desk, in your office, with your mobile by your side. You’re tapping away at the keyboard and your phone rings. On the screen it shows the name of your boss. What’s the first thing that comes into your mind?
Something positive? Something negative?
Now imagine this. You pick up your phone and ring one of your team. Your name appears on their screen as it rings.
Sometimes we don’t want to try new things, as we think we may be bad at them. We may say we haven’t done it, we don’t need to, we’re not good at that, we even encourage others to try instead of us.
But in reality, if we want to enjoy life, we have to be willing to fail. To be bad at something, to make mistakes & have to try again, attempt things we’ve never done.
There is a Japanese proverb that says, “The day that you decide to do it, is your lucky day.”
So, what is luck?
There are very divided opinions on it. Some say there is no such thing. It’s a matter of chance, it isn’t a property, it’s not predictable, you can’t replicate it consistently, even going as far as using quantum mechanics to explain why it doesn’t exist.
Yet there are others who say luck is real.
Here’s a question; What have you discovered about yourself this past two weeks?
Here’s mine.
When I’m working, I much prefer variety, difference, unpredictable situations. I love to think on my feet, adapt to challenges, flex through situations, take the mundane and inject life into it. The thought of doing the same thing, every day, it’s just not for me.
I’ve always struggled working from home, it’s too comfortable,
» Read more about: What have you discovered about yourself recently? »
We can’t ignore it. It’s everywhere and the impact it is
having is devastating. At the time of writing this, 10,000 people have lost
their lives to it.
Covid-19 or Coronavirus.
Globally, people have been told to stay at home, only leave
for essential journeys and then they must social distance. If they do not
follow this they can be fined, in some counties, jailed.
Why is it then that some people still go about their daily
lives like nothing is happening?
In my role as a facilitator, I’m an expert on nothing
really, but I know one thing; I do get lots of attention.
Stood in front of people, all listening to my every word,
doing the things I ask them to do. It’s a nice feeling. It’s a powerful
feeling.
Attention’s nice isn’t it?
So, how many followers do you have on Twitter? Instagram?
How many friends do you have on Facebook?
